I know I’m awkward. I can usually make my way with a joke or a smile and my friends call it cute. Sometimes strangers or acquaintances even find my awkwardness endearing. But, today…today was different. Today was the day I became the TA who tried to start a conversation with a student when I should have just left it at “Hi.” I was never going to be one of them, and now it’s happened.
Here’s how it went down:
SCENE 1. On-campus coffee shop. A public place.
Enter STUDENT and ME, of the department of Psychology, armed with laptops and backpacks.
ME: Hey! How have you been?
STUDENT: Good, how are you?
ME: Good! Nice to see you!
STUDENT: You too.
<<<<<<<<<< This right here is where the interaction should have ended. Alas, it did not. When I saw her sitting outside, I decided to swing by for a chat! Ugh.
SCENE 2. Outside the on-campus coffee shop. A public place.
Enter ME, walking stupidly toward STUDENT who is seated away from the crowd.
ME: Hey, Student! So are you graduating this quarter?
STUDENT: No, I’m not.
ME: So, next year? You just have one year left?
STUDENT: Yup! One year.
ME: That’s great, do you have any fun plans for the summer?
STUDENT: Yes.
ME smiles expectantly and STUDENT gives a blank half-smile. This goes on for a while.
ME: Okay.
STUDENT: Yeah.
ME: Okay, yeah, it was nice to see you, enjoy your summer!
STUDENT: Thanks!
This is worse than being called ma’am for the first time by a sincere busboy or realizing your numero uno jam is being played on the oldies station. It’s food in your teeth after a long conversation meets surprise butt cheek stretchmarks at the beach. The ‘t’ cannot be uncrossed, the ‘i’ cannot be undotted. Eff. Is my endearing awkwardness expiring?! Is the younger generation immune to my friendly cuteness?! This how people start to become uncool and invisible! I realize I may be overreacting a smidge, but there really is a distinct shift when you get to a point in your life where you feel like you’ve finally figured some things out and people care about what you have to say, and then suddenly it doesn’t matter anymore. Today was a glimpse through the veil that is aging. Or something. I can’t quite put my gnarled finger on it.
Mindful Me says this was a good learning experience: I am aware of my actions, compassionate toward those who wish to connect and understanding toward those who do not (Metta, Prana, Om, etc.).WTF Me say…WTF?! I’m cool! Sorta…? Gah! WHATEVERIDON’TCARE. (Cue my mom saying “What. Ever.” in the most uncool way possible.)
Happy Renaissancing!
Renaissancing Me 